Schizophrenia
by Rally4ever
Summary: PostBlinded.  A bit of 'Girl Talk' between Casey and Olivia leads Liv to some conclusions EO. Thanks to all the positive reviews... I probably will continue this.  I can at least see another chapter for this story. Keep on R&R pls.
1. Girl Talk

I don't own Law & Order: SVU or any of the show's affiliated characters.

* * *

ADA Casey Novack had recognized the flash that went through Det. Olivia Benson's eyes during their blown-up arguments over the past few days;  
she didn't blame her for it: the passion, the pain, and most of all love.

The things she had felt for Charlie,when they had been living a normal life together, before that cursed psychopathology schizophrenia took that all away from them. That's the worst thing about the disease, that it had onset age in early adulthood, hit in the early twenties or thirties… when the future's ahead, and life is supposed to be waiting, there's supposed to be time to figure it all out. She'd done enough research about the disease to know more than she ever wanted to, hoping it would help him, help her cope. She came to understand that the Charlie she had fallen in love with wasn't the same man anymore. It ripped her apart and changed her world forever, schizophrenia changes everything…

The case was hard on both them, ironically enough for the same reasons…

Casey had decided to invite Olivia out for drinks, to relieve some of the built-up tension…

After all, working with pissed SVU detectives wasn't her idea of a good time.

Maybe it was because of everything that had happened, maybe it was because of the alcohol,  
but they were becoming more open with each other through out the conversation.

After a few laughs and another sip, Casey decided to ask Olivia a sensitive question,

"Hey, do you think we can talk woman to woman?"

Olivia responded with an, "I guess so… it depends."

"You do realize you're busted don't you? I'm not stupid." Casey stated.

"Busted? About what?"

Casey replied, "Come on Olivia you know what I'm talking about, you're busted about Elliot."

"How so?" Olivia questioned hoping this conversation wouldn't take the turn she was anticipating.

"I understand you know… How you feel about him." Casey stated.

"Oh? And why do you think, you know what I'm feeling?"

"It was crystal clear; it was in your eyes. You couldn't hide it. You still can't."

Olivia shook her head and looked down, "That obvious huh?"

"Well, hate to be the one to tell ya, cause I don't think I'm the only who's noticed… but yeah. It's understood, it's more than just about the job, or being partners between the two of you."  
Casey replied.

When Olivia didn't say anything in reply…

Casey asked, "Have you told him?"

Olivia looked back up and said, "I fight myself…There are so many reasons why I can't…"

"No there aren't, not if you really love him."

"But he's living back with his family… Kathy and their kids, they have a baby on the way… we work together… " Olivia rambled out her reasons.

She continued, "I don't want to lose him. Casey, he's everything to me."

"Then, tell him that. Make sure he knows. Just so he'll know."

"Why should I? What good would it do?" Olivia asked.

"If there's one thing schizophrenia teaches you, it's that you've got to cherish the time you have. The people you have, the people you love. Schizophrenia it turns your world upside down.  
I regret every day; I didn't tell Charlie that I loved him, while he could understand it, while it mattered to him." Casey explained with tears in her eyes.

"Oh Casey," Olivia tried to comfort her, with a hand on her shoulder.

"So please, do it … someday, somehow… for the rest of us who can't." Casey pleaded.

Olivia sighed, "I wish… I want to tell him, and maybe I will be able to one day."

Casey asked, "Could you really live with yourself if he didn't know?"

Olivia replied, "I try the best I can to show him, even if I can't say the words."

"I know you do, I know you try. Just think about what I said okay?"

Olivia got up, threw her money on the table, "I will. I do think about it every day."

"Alright." Casey replied.

Olivia gave a smile, before leaving, "Thanks for the 'girl' talk Casey."

"Anytime Olivia." Casey smiled back.


	2. Sight

I don't own Law & Order: SVU or its affiliated characters… if you know me well enough you already know I wish I did, I wouldn't be such a tease. Lol everyone wins.

* * *

Elliot Stabler walks into the squad room, he smiles as he sees his partner Olivia Benson, hunched over a big stack of paperwork,  
he realizes she's probably picking up his slack, he knows she does so much for him. She looks out for him in a way no one else does. 

She's distracted by the paperwork. He sneaks up quietly behind her, and places his hands over her eyes, playfully asking, "Guess who?"

Even if the voice hadn't been one she'd recognize anywhere; Olivia didn't need to guess, judging by the way her stomach dropped  
due to a sense of a change, the presence around her, and the particular sent on a familiar pair of hands, things she attributed only to him…

She replied fighting an urge to giggle, "Welcome back partner. El, I know you too well to play at this game."

He feels her eyes rolling underneath his palms, for some reason he finds it even more amusing, so much so … he forgets to lift his hands.

Olivia smirks, "You've already been busted pal." She lifts her hands and places them a top his, curls her fingers, in a mock threat  
to make him take his own off her eye lids.

He leans forward, and whispers into her ear, "Long time no see. You're a sight for sore eyes."

She drops her hands, and shakes her head, he releases his hands caught off guard by her actions.

She stands up and turns toward him, "Don't joke like that Elliot."

He backs away giving her a little space, "What's wrong Liv?"

She starts to say, "It was just…"

Olivia puts her head down, finding her shoes suddenly fascinating…

Elliot takes this chance to grab her hands, "What's the matter? Tell me, please. I want to know. I want to help."

He makes circles on her wrists with his thumbs, hoping it would offer comfort and keep her attention on topic, but also finding the action strangely natural.

"It was just so hard to see you like that Elliot."

"Olivia, I'm fine, I'm here."

"I know you're fine now, here now… but when I was holding you like that after Saul Picard threw you against the car window… I yelled out your name.  
You were unconscious; your blood was all over my shirt. I was so worried about you. I told you it'd be okay, but there was no way for me to be sure.  
Then in the hospital, when you couldn't see me…"

"What can I do Olivia?" Elliot asked as he looked deep into her big brown eyes.

Her lips curved into a slight smile, as she dropped her right hand from his and proceeded to hit him in the shoulder as she said,  
"You can never scare me like that again, Elliot Stabler."

His eyes sparkle as he says, "I promise; I'll try really."

She shakes her head, "You had better, Or else…"

He takes a step closer to her almost teasingly in her face, "Or else what?"

Daring to tease him back Olivia replies, "Or else I might not be there to take care of your ass."

As the expression on his face changes, she wonders if she went too far,

She starts to let go of his left hand, he doesn't let her as he asks, "Did I ever thank you for that? For being there?"

"El, you don't have to ever thank me for that."

Elliot has both of her hands back in his, he gives them a squeeze.

"I want to, Liv. Let me do that."

She gives a smile and tauntingly adds, "If you must…"

"Thank you, for everything. I mean that."

"El, I know you do. And I mean it too. There have been so many times you've…"

"Not enough. Not in my book." Elliot's serious expression affirms his sentiment.

Olivia softly replies, "I've never thought that."

She continues to say, "There's no need to keep score, El. That's not what we're about."

Elliot smirks, "I suppose not."

He continues, "Still, let me do something to thank you. Anything, just name it."

Olivia questions him, "Do you really want to do something for me?"

"Yes, I do." Elliot simply states.

Olivia replies, "I appreciate that."

Olivia pauses to contemplate his words; she places a hand on his shoulder with an almost mischievous smile,  
"I see; you are serious. Let me get back to you on that, El. Maybe we can discuss it further over some coffee?  
Maybe there is something I can think of that I would like you to do for me."


	3. Meeting Place

I don't own Law & Order: SVU- Elliot, Olivia, etc…

Thank you all for the interest in this story, that's why I'm continuing it. And I'm sorry I keep you all waiting, but I'm glad I'm continuing this now.  
Yippie we finally get to see what happens next. Well anticipation can be a good thing. Lol. Without further delay:

* * *

Olivia was driving to meet Elliot at the usual coffee spot.

It was just coffee, Elliot and her had met for coffee so many countless times, yet she couldn't shake the feeling this time would be different somehow.

It was funny that she had so much trouble settling on something to wear.

She had torn a part her closet and settled for a new light blue blouse top, and a black skirt with a slit on the side. She accessorized the skirt with a sharp, black,  
silver square buckled belt. She had also chosen to wear her favorite pair of chic black 'date' books, she hadn't worn them in a while, and they needed a good shining.

Her cell phone began to ring.

"Benson," Olivia answered as she usually did.

"Hey Liv, it's me." Olivia listened to the voice on the line, not quite having enough time to look at the caller i.d. while she was driving and picking up her ringing phone.

"El, hey. I figured it was you." She had always thought he had a great phone voice, but she would never admit as much to him.

"Liv, I was thinking that we have coffee all the time."

"Yeah we do, and what's wrong with that?" Olivia teasingly questioned.

"Nothing, I was just thinking we would mix it up a little bit." Elliot replied.

"What did you have in mind?"

"That's for me to know, and you to find out. It's a surprise." It was Elliot's turn to be playful.

"Oh really?"

"You trust me don't you?"

Olivia was surprised by how much one, simple question could touch her; she did trust him, more than he knew.

Olivia answered, "Yes, Elliot, I do trust you. You know it."

Elliot's tone turned slightly softer as he said, "Then, meet me at this address Olivia."

Olivia noted the address in her head, grateful that being a detective had improved her memory recall for facts and details.

"I'll see you when you get here." Elliot said before he hung up with her.

Olivia closed her phone and threw it on her passenger seat; having a free hand she punched the unfamiliar address into her car's GPS.

She did as she was instructed, and made her way to the address.

She pulled into the parking lot, and left her car.

She walked underneath a red canopy, into the entrance of an elegant restaurant and was greeted by a maȋtre d'.

"Welcome, madam to Chez Rouge."

She was grateful she had decided to go with her instinct to dress it up a bit; just in case.

"Thank you." She said as she scanned the room for Elliot without success.

"If I may direct you, I believe the gentleman you are looking for is waiting for you in that private section of the dining room there."

"Thanks." She replied as she started to leave towards the back part of the restaurant.

Before she got too far from the station, she had to ask a nagging question,

"Umm… sir."

"Yes, mam."

"How did you know I was the one he was waiting for?" She asked.

"Well, I had to assume you were who he meant. The gentleman had let me know that if the most beautiful woman walked in here alone,  
looking around, she was with him."

"Oh." Olivia stated as she resisted the urge to blush. Funny she thought she had outgrown blushing long ago. She was wrong.

"If you need anything else, please do not hesitate to ask."

"I won't. Thanks again."

Olivia left the maȋtre d's station, and made her way to a separated part of the restaurant in the back.

Sure enough, she spotted Elliot sitting at a white linen table with his back turned to her.


	4. Blind

Sorry, I haven't updated sooner. I really wanted to do this chapter justice. But, thanks to all the interest, I've been working hard on updating. So, please feel free to read and review, and encourage me to push on. P.S. Don't own Law & Order: SVU or characters.

* * *

"How did you know I was the one he was waiting for?" She asked.

"Well, I had to assume you were who he meant. The gentleman had let me know that if the most beautiful woman walked in here alone, looking around, she was with him."

"Oh." Olivia stated as she resisted the urge to blush. Funny she thought she had outgrown blushing long ago. She was wrong.

"If you need anything else, please do not hesitate to ask."

"I won't. Thanks again."

Olivia left the maȋtre d's station, and made her way to a separated part of the restaurant in the back.

Sure enough, she spotted Elliot sitting at a white linen table with his back turned to her.

* * *

She took in a breath, and then proceeded to move towards the opposite side of the table Elliot was occupying.

Elliot noticed her as she moved past him and said, "Liv, you're finally here."

She stopped and turned to look at him as she replied, "I hope I didn't keep you waiting long, El."

Olivia was surprised to find him starting to get out of his chair to stand, as he said with a smile not taking his eyes off her,  
"No, not at all. I was just eager to see you."

His statement caused her smile to widen, and he was truly gratified by the sight.

She noticed his movements as he made his way over to her side of the table and proceeded to pull out her chair saying, "Here let me get that for you."

She stepped in front of the chair and started to sit; she let Elliot move the chair closer to the table before she fully sat down. His hands lifted from  
the back of the chair and came to rest on her shoulders for a few seconds as he bent closer to her ear in order to whisper, "You look gorgeous."

She murmured a soft, "Thanks," in reply fighting a flush to her cheeks.

Elliot then left her side and took his seat.

Now that they were both seated across the candle- lit table from each other, this gave Olivia a better chance to look Elliot over.

She liked his navy blue suit, and his soft blue dress shirt with matching diagonally stripped tie. She couldn't help noticing how the blues of his outfit  
brought out his startling blue eyes.

She smiled almost laughing as she realized the blue she had been admiring in his dress shirt happened to be the same color tone as the blouse top she was wearing.

Now that she thought about it, they'd worn the same color scheme many times on the job… it's not like they called each other in the morning and said,  
'Hey partner, this is the color I'm going to be wearing today, lets match and really throw the bad guys off.'

Maybe it was just another testament to how strong their connection actually is, how in tune they are with one another, so much so they'd often pick the same color to wear unintentionally.

She was still smiling at the thought of their color coordination, when Elliot said, "I like that shade of blue you're wearing, but you could probably tell that.  
We must look like we planned it. We must look like we do a lot."

She beamed as she began to laugh.

"And, what's so funny Liv?" Elliot asked with a smirk.

"It's funny that I was just thinking about the same thing, how we often match. It must really put the bad guys off their game." She said while  
continuing to laugh.

"Now, that is funny; hilarious really. We do have to keep them intimidated." Elliot started to join in with his own laughter as well.

When their laughter began to calm down Elliot said, "But, you do look great in blue. It's really your color."

Olivia replied smiling, "Yours too, cause you don't look too bad yourself there, handsome. You clean up well."

Elliot chuckled, "Well thank you, I do try so hard to make an impression."

Olivia assures, "You succeeded, and I'm impressed."

"Great, that's the goal of any guy when he's out with a beautiful lady." Elliot stated with a grin.

They ate baggets for appetizers, cordon bleu for the main course, and crème brulee for dessert; they drank their wine and had pleasant dinner conversation  
just enjoying each others company. As dinner began to wind down, their tête-à-tête shifted from work matters to something else entirely.

"El, this has been great, but you really didn't have to go through so much trouble. It's only me."

"I know I didn't have to, but I wanted to. And 'only you' isn't just anybody."

"I don't deserve it."

"Well, I say you do. Isn't it nice to do something nice for someone you care about every now then?"

"I guess so." Olivia replied softly.

Elliot smirked, "You don't sound convinced. What can I do to assure you?"

"What you're doing now is fine Elliot." Olivia said with sincerity.

"That reminds me, Liv. I owe you at least one favor. That's why we're here, and no this dinner doesn't count as the favor."

"Are you sure you would like to do something for me?" Olivia asked while looking deep into Elliot's eyes to be certain he didn't have any doubts about it,  
yet almost hoping he did.

Not shirking or backing down under her scrutiny, he met her gaze and reached across the table; took her hand in his then said,  
"You're worth it. Believe me, I'm sure of that."

They let the simple honesty of the moment wash over them.

Olivia relished the feel of his hand on hers; in the face of her hesitation she appreciated his genuineness.

She decided she could be truthful herself, "Elliot, it's a wonderful idea, you're wonderful. But, I'm not sure if all of this here tonight is going to make this easier or harder."

"Olivia, I'm not trying to make anything difficult for you. It's just when you go through what I did, being blind, you start to see things differently.  
I don't want to live my life anymore like the people who matter to me don't. It shouldn't always be about me. I have some time to make up for.  
I was scared of the darkness; of being closed off in a world of my own that I couldn't share with anyone. I don't want to be afraid of that."

Olivia closed her eyes as she said his name with tenderness and understanding, "El…"

Elliot rubbed her wrist with his thumb, "Liv," the use of her name drew back her attention as he said,  
"Don't live with your eyes closed. You can say anything to me. I can handle it; whatever it is. Please, tell me. "


	5. The Favor

I don't own Law & Order: SVU or any of its characters. Sorry this update has taken so long, I've wanted to continue this story and some others very badly, just my time has not been my own. Thank you for reading, and for the reviews and supporting this story. If there hadn't been interest, this would have only been a one shot, I wouldn't have continued but the way it's shaping out. I am so glad that I did. I hope you'll enjoy.

* * *

"Olivia, I'm not trying to make anything difficult for you. It's just when you go through what I did, being blind, you start to see things differently. I don't want to live my life anymore like the people who matter to me don't. It shouldn't always be about me. I have some time to make up for. I was scared of the darkness; of being closed off in a world of my own that I couldn't share with anyone. I don't want to be afraid of that."

Olivia closed her eyes as she said his name with tenderness and understanding, "El…"

Elliot rubbed her wrists with his thumb, "Liv," the use of her name drew back her attention as he said, "Don't live with your eyes closed. You can say anything to me. I can handle it; whatever it is. Please, tell me. "

* * *

His words gave her the courage she needed to go on, and she knew in this moment, when they were like this together; she couldn't lie or hide anything from him.

Her tone was soft as she started, "Okay, El. I'll you the truth. After an interesting conversation with Casey about what happened with you and how I reacted;  
I've come to realize that there's something you should know. Something I want, need you to know."

"Alright, now we're getting somewhere. Go on." Elliot stated with an encouraging smile.

Olivia smirked at his response and said, "Besides, it's not like you haven't always been able to see right through me. I try to put up walls; I hardly let anyone in thinking there's no real room, no safe place in my life. But then there's you, I could never really be that way with you Elliot Stabler. I just don't have the heart to shut you out."

"I know, same here Olivia."

"El, you're my partner, my best friend, all the family I've really known. That means I trust you more than anyone else in the world. Because I had to, but mostly because I just wanted to; I couldn't help myself. And to keep something from you tears me a part."

"I understand all of that Liv, believe me I do. That's why you can ask anything of me."

"The favor I'll ask for Elliot; what I need from you is just to keep doing what you have been. I need you to listen. I need you to just let me say what I have to. I need you to know before I go any further that, I don't expect anything at all. Because while I've been avoiding a real life, letting what I do be who I am, more so than I should. You didn't; you made a life for yourself, you have a family, kids, things I dream about but that's all they seem to be right now, dreams. I don't need anything to change; all I want is for you to hear me out. I just want to be honest with you."

"I can accept that honesty Liv; nothing you could ever do or say for that matter would make me ever think less of you." He said with confidence.

"I've wondered if that was true, I guess we'll see."

"Olivia, just trust me like you say you do and give me the chance to prove it to you."

"Okay, here it goes… there's something I've always known when it comes to you Elliot. Something so simple, but it complicates everything with you. How we work together, our friendship. And I should have seen it, but my eyes have only recently been opened to the affect of it on me..." Olivia paused hesitating to continue

He was intrigued, "Please, don't stop now."

"Elliot, I love you." Olivia looked in Elliot's eyes, bravely fighting the urge to look away.

Elliot held her gaze with him, and squeezed her hand, "It's okay Olivia, I know. And I hoped you would know by now that I love you too."

She beamed, "Wow, we've never really even just said that before… it's beyond nice to know."

"Yeah, it is." Elliot said simply with a big grin.

Olivia took a breath, almost sighing then said, "But here's the impossible thing Elliot, I don't know how, I don't remember when, but somewhere in our time together… I crossed the line from just loving you. And I've felt horrible and yet strangely happy about it. Even though it's just lately, something I've been able to accept because I had to face it. I should have seen it coming on ever so gradually, the warning signs of me getting deeper and deeper… that incident with Gitano, going to Computer Crimes, going undercover with the Feds, coming back and seeing you with another partner, and now when you were hurt, blinded by Saul Picard. These things all hit me so hard; it was obvious that I couldn't hide or run away from the truth anymore."

"Olivia…"

"Elliot, I don't need you to say anything. It's probably better if you don't right now. If you want to talk about this later we can, but tonight I just wanted you to know. And I want to thank you because you have taught me so much about myself. Without you, I might not ever have known that I was capable of loving someone so much. You are an amazing man Mr. Stabler. I would have been blind not to see that."

She rose to leave and smiled as she said,

"I am in love with you Elliot Stabler. It changes nothing, but I am."


End file.
